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Math Teacher Arrested Attempting to Board a Flight

Written by Gary North on January 10, 2013

Unassociated Press Story:

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, and a graphing calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said. ‘They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.’ They use secret code names like “X” and “Y” and refer to themselves as “unknowns” but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, “There are 3 sides to every triangle.”

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.” White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.

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11 thoughts on “Math Teacher Arrested Attempting to Board a Flight

  1. The most accurate assessment of this administration to date.

  2. I too am a member of the Al-Gebra, during the day I am a mild mannered Engineer. But on evenings and weekends, my fellow geeks get together and plot ways to bring down the fuzzy math of government. I wanted to become a Math teacher, but the local teacher union found out about my Al-Gebra Association. They were afraid I would indoctrinate impressionable young minds, and ruin all their hard work.

  3. Was the guy "protractor running" to the Mexican drug Cartels?

  4. <groan> don't quit your day job.

  5. tee hee hee

  6. Infidels! al-Gebra will reign supreme! We will have a worldwide Calculusphate! W will bombard you with quadratic equations until you submit!

  7. Written by Gary North on January 10, 2013

    Not true. I read the article in December 2012.

  8. I heard this guy gave himself away when he was heard muttering "Pi R Square" as he went through security.
    Anyone knows Pi R Round, Cornbread are square.

  9. Holder and Obama need to be arrested and brought to trial on stupidity charges!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. LOL! A little hilarity doesn't hurt in today's world, does it, now? Thanks, Gary, for the laughs!

  11. Say it isn't 'So', Joe!
    Possession of a ruler on an airplane is a federal crime. So (as often as he flies) why isn't Obama in jail?
    Virtual and actual gropings by D.H.S. agents are the Law of the Land. So why isn't Obama groped anymore?
    Not a soul there has a compass to follow. So why do we expect Washington to lead us out of a mess it led us into?
    Division to promote infighting is the political weapon of choice. So why are politicians not tarred-and-feathered anymore?
    Multiplication of the masses (Democrat policy) keeps women barefoot and pregnant. So why do they vote to be enslaved? American kids know the [Democ] rats followed the PIed PIper from Hamelin. So who knew he would lead them here?